“Perhaps most of all, though, you deserve to be okay. You deserve to know that a day in which you can just barely get out of bed because you are sad, or sick, or simply not ready to see the outside is not the end of the world. You deserve to know that moments of weakness do not make you fundamentally weak, only fundamentally human, and that sometimes we’re not going to be effusively happy, and that is okay.”
I heard an interview, can’t remember the psychologist, but he was explaining this idea and encouraging people to stop and take a deep breath and literally drink in small moments like you’re a dryass plant when something is ever satisfactory, positive, mildly successful, randomly joyful so your brain can code and integrate that experience because our natural lizard brain will quickly tape over it with mostly unnecessary negative survival shit. Sounds dumb and dorky but sometimes I remember this when I’m feeling good about a moment because our cave brains are still catching up with modern life without sabertooths. I like that it’s not just a pollyanna gosh just be more positive thing but more of a legit brain wiring phenomenon can be gradually hacked through small behavioral changes.
Another super important one: Take the time to tell yourself, when something you did or bought or decided works out “That was a good decision and I’m glad I made it! Go me!”
Seriously, it can have a huge impact. suddenly you go from remembering nothing but bad decisions to adding in a series of Excellent Choices You Feel Good About, and it makes things so much better.
“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.” —Kurt Vonnegut
A psychologist wrote in a book, “Even if you are an angel, there will be people who will be disturbed by the sound of your wings.” – He used this phrase to make clear that other people’s perceptions and emotions have nothing to do with you. The thoughts of others do not define your worth. You will meet many people who will try to project their own insecurities onto you and there is a risk that you will accept the image of others. To protect yourself, you must internalize that others don’t even have the ability to define you. They are unable to see inside you. And their perception of you is nothing but a sign of their own qualities. Even if you are good, there will always be people who say otherwise; but you are not a reflection of others.
For all of you
who’ve been told that you are a failure – or that you will end up a failure, I
need you to know that such a thing doesn’t exist. There is no person anywhere
who is a failure. There are people failed by the system, people who are failed
by their families, by their jobs, bosses, the economy, the law, the government,
the rich, the oppression, by their own lack of empathy. But nobody is a failure.
Not doing well at
any area in life does not make person a failure. People who don’t have a career
are not failures, people who don’t have jobs aren’t failures. People who
struggle with addiction or homelessness are not failures. People who fall thru
the cracks of social systems aren’t failures either. Not finding love doesn’t
equal a failure. Human beings don’t fail. We’re not meant to follow a structure
of life that demands us to constantly struggle against a system that is set so
that only a certain percentage could enjoy privileges, while the rest is told
we’re not good enough.
We’re born to be
a part of the world, to share the sun and the rain together, to form a
community and live more easily relying on each other, we’re meant to enjoy
affection and acceptance throughout our entire lives, to experience joy and
sorrow with support of others, to fill each other’s time with conversation and
laughter. A person not having these things in life doesn’t equal a failure,
it’s a person who’s been denied their birthright. It’s a person who is forced
to miss out and to struggle, because if they were able to enjoy what is natural
to them, they would not be in so much anxiety or pain.
No matter what
mistakes you make, or what roads you take, you will never be a failure. Nobody
is supposed to fight their entire life alone in order to keep the fear of
failure away. It’s not a real threat. You cannot fail, as long as you breathe,
you’re valuable and welcome part of the world.
